See the whole investigation in my book
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Dear Scientists of Planet Earth,
The following statements may be the most important written in the last couple centuries, and could be compared to the Copernical Revolution. In its totality, it comprises a body of evidence so profound that it will NUMB THE HUMAN EXPERIENCE BEYOND COMPREHENSION.
On Friday, my associate Mike Stevens and I discovered some MAJOR SHIT.
And we definately think you guys should know about it. So far, we talked to everybody we know and THEY don't even know what to say.
OK, for a long time I've been holding this back--I wasn't sure regular people would understand. I know it sounds retarded, but it has something to do with ghosts and/or aliens. And I'm not talking about the two guys who went looking for UFOs, discover a pick-up truck FULL of Mexicans and end up getting into a huge fight. I'm talking about REAL Paranormal Activity.
Plus, we might have some devastating evidence that (1) Hawaii isn't really a state and (2) ducks may have more uses than previously thought.
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A lot of intellectuals are probably scoffing right now. AND THAT'S FINE, and you can eat a dick. But trust me, even though me and My associate Mike Stevens don't work at any major scientific institutions or have Nobel Prizes in our closets, we're a couple of EARNEST MOTHER FUCKERS. We saw something, and I'm so freaked out that if somebody blew their nose really loud right now, I'd burst into tears.
DON'T CLICK
For those of you who aren't scoffing, YOUR MIND MUST BE GOING NUTS. You've probably spent years trying to block these ideas out of your head. Afraid that you might have to reexamine some fundamental assumptions about the world, maybe even have to carry around a stick or a knife or something. BUT LISTEN. That is exactly the unsupsecting and carefree attitude of someone who hasn't seen a sock slide across the floor because IT WANTED TO.
DON'T BE A DICK.
The very fact that you are reading these words means taht you got these feelings, I don't know, and that maybe deep down YOU KNOW there is some weird stuff out there. I'M POSITIVE I'M NOT THE ONLY ONE WHO FEELS THIS WAY.
Video Broadcast from my bunker/living room. |
Maybe you never realized that you were searching for something, but after thinking about ghosts and aliens for even the last couple seconds, you can sense it. It might have even happened before, when you heard some dude and there were not moaning dudes anywhere, and you sat there speechless. Or when you were at a stop light, and you turned your head, and saw this owl just staring right away, and it mouthed your name. In that moment, you knew that you missing...something. You came to this site for a reason.
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LISTEN TO YOUR HEART.
Now LOOK, I'm not saying that you have to reject the whole conception of the universe. I'm just asking you not to be a dick about ghosts and aliens.
Scientists of Planet Earth, don't you remember the first time you were like, What the fuck? Don't you want that feeling again?
Well this is it. I've collected all my studies of the last week for you guys to check out. If you like it, cool, we can start making hypotheses and experimenting together. If not, well, don't be surprised when, out of nowhere, you're knocked on the floor, and see a mysterious wig sliding toward your face. At that moment, you'll probably wonder why you didn't believe us.
It's like the inventor Bill Telescope. Nobody believed him about his amazing invention, until it was TOO LATE.
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Or what about the guy who invented the Potatoe Chip. Did anybody know how big there were going to get? Everybody thought the idea was preposterous.
EVERYBODY.
And guess what...they're everywhere now..........................................................
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So Scientists, you got to believe us. If only one of you reads this and realizes that there's some messed up stuff other there, then I did my duty. This may be the most scientific thing I've ever done in my life. My name is Trey Hamburger and I just want to tell the world about some Weird Shit.
See the whole investigation in my book |
Your future Lab Assistant, |
MORE INVESTIGATION NOTES (in chronogically ascending order)
November 25, 2008
Here is a my first video broadcast from my bunker/livingroom. (Sorry about my mom making all the noise.)
December 02, 2008
Yesterday, I called Toys R-Us to ask them why they keep selling Oujia board even though they keep killing people. The Toys R Us employee, Flo, definitely seemed like she knew SOMETHING. However, the big time executives may be not want to have any statements on record about inter-dimensional portals. This could be huge. I'll keep you guys updated for sure.
January 06, 2009
I'm getting really sick of people thinking that paranormal activity doesn't exist. So I challenge ANYONE to a Psychic Battle RIGHT NOW.
January 16, 2009
Combat funds are running low and we need to some new equipment for battle. We got to get some money soon or else we may have to put the whole project on hold.
January 17, 2009
I've decided to auction off my virginity for more combat funds. Some chick got like 3.7 million. So I should at least get half that. If you're a really intense lady, feel free to make a bid. (No dudes allowed. Period.)
More updates about my "Indian" neighbor coming soon...
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